Creative Non Fiction – Heading into the light

headingintothelight-story

For a few years, I’ve been taking photographs while driving through tunnels and then using them as a basis for paintings.
I like the abstractness of the image as the camera captures a second of time in the tunnel as I travel through the darkness towards the light.
Sometimes I feel like I live in a tunnel and I’m wandering around in the darkness looking for a glimmer of light to lead me out. The feeling isn’t always there but when it comes I stop for a second and look around wondering what I’m doing and why?
This unsettling feeling started when I was sick and I thought it was because I was sick but it wasn’t. Even now that I’m healthy, I still have this feeling, a need to understand the why behind every action. To dig and dig and dig some more.
In one of the books on my shelf with orange books, there is a story about an arrow. The writer explains that if you are shot by an arrow, you don’t need to know the why at the moment you are hit. What you need to do is tend to the arrow and the wound to save your life. Knowing why someone shot you doesn’t matter at the moment you are hurt.
For years I’ve tried to not worry about the whys. I’ve tried to focus on removing the arrows and tending to the wounds I find along the way. I know that knowing the why will not help shed any light on the path I want to follow or stop the arrows from finding their mark. I know that knowing isn’t always needed to head into the light.